Long Time no Blog

It's been a while...

I feel like I am starting a conversation with an old friend. Except, should this blog be a live person, I would begin the conversation with my usual defense - humor. I'd say, "Hi Stranger!" to this person who likely new me inside and out. Or my personal favorite, "Long time no talk". To which there would be a chuckle and we would move on with our dialogue as if there had never been any time apart. The way true friends do, we would catch up as if we never skipped a beat.

The truth is that I have wanted to get back into blogging for quite some time. I wish I could say that I took some grand sabbatical to take care of myself and reconnect with my spirit and God in deep meditation and prayer. That would be an incredible excuse for the almost four month delay in entries.

No such deep journey into my soul has occured over the last four months. In fact, due to my busy schedule (don't feel too sorry for me - I work hard and play hard) I have ignored my blogging (and changing my air filters, going to gym and was late on more than one bill if you must know).

What happened?

One day I am checking my blog religiously, am obsessive about my bill payments and had an immaculately clean house (well, maybe not immaculately clean). Four months later I have dusty vents, a late payment and no participation into one of my favorite past times.

What's worse is that I decided I wanted to get back into blogging on my birthday. That was June 12 and yes, I realize it's almost two months later.

Why didn't I just sit down that instant and do what I wanted to do? Say what I wanted to say?

Oh, it hasn't been a lack of words... you didn't think that did you? I have had plenty to say. And those that love me best would like nothing more than for me to say it to this keyboard again.... if you know what I mean.

No lack of thoughts... but, I have had this feeling that I have to begin again in a GRAND, Earth shattering, soul moving, "changed my life" kind of way.

You know how it is when it's been a while, just any old entrance will not do.

My high school reunion is this month. It's been ten years since we all were last together in the same room. Just any outfit out of the closet will not do. Stained yellow teeth will not suffice. Roots three inches long will not be acceptable! I have all but called Extreme Makeover to consider me for the next show.

Ridiculous really. I haven't blogged, not because I didn't have anything to say, but because I thought my words would not be good enough to begin again after all this time.

Plus all those other worries: Could I keep up with it? Have I lost my creativity? Did I want to expose myself after all this time? Would my excuses/apologies be enough? Would people still accept me?

That's just the tip of the ice burg of anxiety I had about beginning to blog again.

But, not unlike what we do everyday. We have a family member or friend we just lost touch with and we miss them dearly. We think about them, pray for them and never pick up the phone. WHY? Well... fear and shame I suppose. Those poisonous qualities that leave us pause for too long.

This week ignore thinking up excuses or refuse to let fear stand in your way. Reconnect with something or someone you love. It matters less about how you look, what you say or how good you are at it. What' s most important is that you show up and give it a chance.