Snooty Therapist Seeks Forgiveness From Kind Handyman

Shane and I are having some work done on our back porch. The beautiful screened in porch has always adorned out door carpet. For most, this may be acceptable, but with a very active (and sometimes muddy) dog that loves to shed, the carpet is hard to keep clean. So, we sought out some extra help in laying tile down on our back porch to easier clean our little one's messes.



If you have ever had any home improvement projects interrupt your daily routine, you understand the frustrations that come in the middle of improving your home. Fortunately, the work was being done outside, so there wasn't much construction inside the house.



A typical planner, I have my morning's activities planned down to the minute. I know how long it will take me to walk the dog, eat breakfast, etc. This was one of those mornings.



I had just arrived home from working out and knew I had approximately 45 minutes to get ready for work. Noticing a new truck at the front of the house, I peeked my head around back to confirm this stranger was indeed working on our porch and not stealing our things.



When I came around the corner, I noticed an older man with salt and pepper hair, smoking a cigarette and appearing highly anxious.



"Ma'am" he said in a southern drawl, "I don't mean to be rude, but I am scared to death of your dog."



As I put the dog up in his crate, I listened to the mans story of being bitten by a dog similar to this. He then apologized for the inconvenience.



"No problem" I reassured him, glancing at my watch. Thirty minutes to go, I needed to start getting ready.



But, he kept going, "I'm going to leave the house soon and I can't let him out of his crate. Can someone else do it?"



"I'll ask my husband" I said, feeling slightly annoyed at the disruption of my day. "Anything else?"



"Yeah." he explained, "I need a check."



"A check?" I asked.



"For how much? For what? I give it to you?" I hammered him with questions. The truth is that I had never met this man. I trusted the company, but giving a check for an unknown amount to a stranger struck me as odd. And didn't he know I was down to 28 minutes to get ready?

"I don't know. You'll have to ask the boss man. He asked that I get a check from you." he said politely.

I went inside to call my husband with no luck. I knew it was a busy day at Shane's work, so I thought I would take a shower and try again before I left. With the water running, I began to undress and test out the water, when I heard the door bell ring.

"What?" I said allowed to the cats while I threw my clothes back on.

I stomped to the door. "Yes?" I asked the man standing there.

"Did you get the check?" he said nicely. "It's time for me to leave and the boss man said to take a check."

I convinced him to give me a minute more and the man said he would finish up some projects. I tried to call Shane again and left another message. I started the water again and began to undress when I heard "ding dong" of the doorbell.

"You have got to be kidding me!" I said again to the cats, this time glancing at the clock. I only had fifteen minutes before I had to leave and I had yet to shower!

I opened the door with a mean face. "Sorry ma'am" the gentleman said, "But, I really have to go. Do you have the check?"

I deep breathed, stomped in the house, and felt like pulling my hair out. I finally got in touch with Shane, who informed me that he was suppose to leave a check earlier. It made sense now, but in my rush I shoved the check at the man and closed the door with barely a "bye".

I was incredibly irritated. I jumped in the shower, threw on some clothes and called the office to let them know I was running 10 minutes late.

"Don't rush, honey!" the administrative assistant informed me. "Your client called and he is running 15 minutes late, so you'll have plenty of time."

The rest of my day I could not shake the feeling of frustration. No matter what I did, I could not stop replaying the interactions with this man out of my head. That's when I figured out what I was feeling: not frustration, but guilt.

I was only thinking about one thing that morning: my plans, my time schedule, my business, and me. The man was helping me. I never even thanked him for the work he was doing on my porch. Instead, I treated him like a nuisance when he was only doing his job.

I felt terrible.

Not to mention, the fact that my client was running late, too.

Was that a test?

Did God put that obstacle in my path, knowing it would not negatively effect my client, only to see if I could go beyond my own selfish path to respond patiently to a kind, polite man who was only doing his job?

If it was a test - I failed.

The next morning I peeked outside to saw the same man doing work on the porch. Remembering his fear of dogs, I went outside and helped put Wyatt in the crate. But, a kind gesture was not enough. I apologized forthright for my nasty attitude. The typical southern gentleman, he told me not to mention it. But, it deserved mentioning.

That day I learned that it's not enough to just "patch things up" as a passive apology. When you've done something wrong, you must say the words and ask for forgiveness. Test or no test, at least an apology sets me back on the right path.

“Watch your thoughts, for they become words.

Watch your words, for they become actions.

Watch your actions, for they become habits.

Watch your habits, for they become character.

Watch your character, for it becomes your destiny.”

Author Unknown

Choices

I have not been able to blog as much as I would like lately. My computer has finally decided to kick the bucket, after a slow dying process.

Originally the C key would not work. Which was fine and dandy, except of course when you had to spell anything with a C in it. Then slowly all the other keys began to fade. Normally my disposition is one that is slow to anger, but I have discovered that my calm demeanor doesn't apply to machines that don't work. I have begun to fantisize about that scene in Office Space... taking the computer out to a big field and wacking it with a baseball bat would feel a little too good right now!

You know when the power goes out and by habit you go all around the house flipping the light switches? And when that still doesn't sink in, you try to use the microwave to heat dinner? The same has been true with me and the computer. I sit down ready to blog, e-mail, or search a site and are slammed with the realization that the computer fixing fairy didn't visit over night! I then go through a series of deep breathing, slamming and grunting.

When things don't go our way, it's hard not to focus on anything else. Particularly when it's something that throws us off our normal routine of living or doing things.

If everything went my way, then life would be perfect.... at least in my eyes.

But, the tinest thing... traffic, a broken computer, juice spilling on my shirt, or being out of pet food can throw me off in a tail spin.

The more I focus on flexibility and remember that I can not (and will not) be in control at all times, the quicker I get right back on track, not letting the speed bump get in my way for long.

I know that happiness is a choice. Pain is inevitable, but you truly must choose to be happy. Allowing small inconviencences to ruin your day, is a way of choosing to be unhappy.

So, how do you turn a frustration into a positive?

You ask yourself, "How can I make the best of the situation?"

For example, my husband travels with his work several long weekends out of the year. It is certainly not "my way" for him to travel. I would rather he always be home, free to spend the weekends with me and around the house. Here's the choice time. I could decide to constantly complain about something that can not be changed at the present and mope around the house while he is gone. But, all of those decisions would bring about unhappiness for me and my husband.

Instead, I choose to make the best of the situation by planning visits with family and friends during the times he is away. I still wish he didn't have to travel, but honestly, I enjoy my time to fellowship with people I love.

What road blocks have you experienced today, or this week, that are attempting to throw you off course? If you are off track, jump back on, by remembering you can choose to look at the situation in any way that helps you see things in a more positive light.

As for me, I have committed to not attempt to work the computer until I have it fixed. There is no reason to bring extra negativity in my life. In the meantime, I will continue with my internal dialogue... instead of typing it out!

EMDR

Over the weekend I attended a basic EMDR (Eye Movement Desensitization Reprocessing) training. EMDR is a therapeutic process that bases it's theological standpoint from the belief that there is no disconnect between the mind and the body. The more I learn about the mind/body connection, the more I am astounded that modern medicine ever functions with one without dealing with the other.





In brief, EMDR allows your brain to heal naturally, like any part of the body. If you have a broken arm, you may go to the doctor to have it set in a cast. Then the body takes over from there and begins to heal itself.


Our brain is, of course, a part of our body. Therefore, our thinking process and memory has the ability to heal itself, once "set" in the right direction. Life experiences leave bumps and bruises on our brain. This effects our memory of the past. And in return, effects how we perceive things in the present and future.





Still with me?





It's a complicated, yet very simple, process.





Through bi-lateral stimulation, (engaging the right and left hemispheres of the brain, typically done by rapid eye movements) the brain takes a trip down memory lane, literally, and re configures the memories. It doesn't change memories, it simply allows you to see things in a "different light" so to speak. Some believe it works similar to REM sleep, in the way we work through issues in our dreams.





If you can not already tell, I find it remarkable and extremely interesting.





So, I signed up for the training.





Throughout out the training I was amazed at the video clips and studies done that show so many people healing from traumatic and/or every day life events that have been "stuck" in a painful and unsettling place in the memory.





Everything was dandy, until the moment I was asked to sit in the chair and be the "client". I had 24 hours before I was going to experience what, according to everyone else, was an "amazing" and "peaceful" experience. I wanted to learn about it... not experience it. Ever heard that saying... "Those that can't, teach"? I'd prefer to teach... not experience.



Sunday morning, as I put on my makeup and brushed my hair, preparing to attend the last day of training. But, my mind was not on what the lecture, rather it was paralyzed with fear at what, if anything, lurked in the confines of my brain that may, or may not, show itself in the days exercise.



I was terrified.



I wanted to throw up.



I even said to my mock therapist, "If we don't have time to get to me, that's OK, because I don't really have anything to work on."
To which she laughed and asked me to sit in the chair (aka doomsday to my mind) and get prepared to be "the client".



And then we began.



For starters, I was a resistant client.



I didn't want to go "there". Even though I didn't know where "there" was. If I had to go there, to heal for some reason, then I probably didn't want to go. So my mind was telling me.


"Relax" her voice told me. "Trust the process" she said what seemed like a million times.



And I did.



I cried and felt pain. In my body. In my heart. I was angry, sad, confused and more.



But, those feelings were incredibly brief. Minutes. Seconds. I felt them and they faded away.



In a moment of pain I heard the unmistaken message from God, "I am here. I am in control. I have never left you. I have been with you in the past, I am with you now, and I will forever be beside you in whatever comes your way."



Then there was peace.



A peace I have felt before, but each time I re-experience it, I feel more whole than the time before.





A complete body experience.

What is there to fear when God is with you?


That is what I took away. If I am afraid of my own mind, how can I face anything else?



Whether or not you ever experience EMDR or not, you can feel that peace I still feel as I write this.



First, you have to be willing to feel. Avoidance will only bring more of the pain. Feel, confront, acknowledge, say, do whatever you know you need to do to "face" the past and regain control of your own mind by letting go of control and allowing it heal itself.



Let God do the rest and you will see the truth that will set you free.

Campaign Promises

Did you hear the joke about the politician?

.... So, a politician recently died. He was a flip flopper, so he hadn't yet decided whether or not he would go to heaven or hell. After attending his own funeral, he was then escorted by Saint Paul to visit heaven. When he arrived he was welcomed at the pearly white gates by beautiful angels playing harps and trumpets.


"This is nice" the politician thought. Attempting to walk further, St. Paul warned, "You can not go in the pearly white gates unless you are prepared to stay."


"On second thought" the politician said, "Perhaps I should visit hell before I make my final decision."


"Very well" said St. Paul and escorted him back to Earth.


The politician was then greeted by a well dressed man in a three piece designer suit. Shaking his hand and patting him on the back, the gentlemen welcomed the politician eagerly. "Much better than that silly white robe" the politician thought.


The well dressed man then showed the politician the way to hell. As they entered the gates, he was amazed to see nothing but green grass. "I'm standing on a golf course!" the politician stated excitedly.


"Well of course you are! We aim to please in hell!"


The politician walked all around hell. He saw men smoking cigars, hot tubs to relax in on every corner and any sport he would ever dream to watch on big screen TVs. After spending a day in hell, the politician felt like he had made up his mind.


He returned to Earth, where he sat in front of his judges.


"Have you decided where you would like to spend eternity?"


"Yes!" the politician said eagerly. "I am happy to support hell and go there for eternity."


"Very well, then." said the judges and the politician was quickly rushed back to hell.


But, this time, there was no green grass, no golf course, and no hot tubs!!


Shocked, the politician cried, "You lied to me!! Where is everything that was promised?"


"Oh" the gentleman said with a smile. "That was just a campaign promise!"

I am hearing the drum the roll in my head!!


One thing we always question, and rightly so with politicians, is if we are being told false promises to only receive a vote. I start to get the uneasy feeling that I am being used around election time. Are we really going to vote on someone based on promises to lure us into the campaign? We have no choice, from what I can tell. We have to put our faith in the canditate we choose and pray that they make the best decisions for our country.


What about you? Do you tell people things they want to hear only to have them "on your side" or to like you?

On this issue, I have definitely been guilty. A "people pleaser" by nature, my one unconscious goal in the past was to have everyone like me. And when I felt the slightest bit of discomfort in a relationship, I would work extra hard to prove to my acquaintance that I was likable and pleasing. I would avoid opportunities to disagree and "followed the pack" to prove how easily I could get along with others. Where did it get me? Extra stress and little self respect. I was trying for the impossible!


I learned that having everyone "like" me is not only impossible, improbable and implausible... but, it wasn't very desirable in the end.

Diversity makes life interesting!


Hearing another's point of view makes debates fun and opens the door for a chance to learn new information and develop relationships.


On this Super Tuesday, practice living an authentic life. Be who you are without apologies. Avoiding molding into what you think others expect. Most importantly, don't make false promises! Say "yes" when you mean "yes" and "no" when you mean "no". This is the key to integrity. Living your life authentically will allow you to respect the autonomy of others. Don't make false promises, show people who you are and stand by your commitments!

Going Green or Brewing Blue?

Are you going green?

It's the lastest "pop" term that has marketing agencies and environmentalist buzzing. The need to pay attention to our environment, and the effect we have on it, is long overdue. I am not expert on "Going Green". But, I do know enough to believe that we must, at the very least, begin to alter our ways of living in order to ensure a safe place for our children.

"The significant problems we have

cannot be solved at the same level of thinking

with which we created them"

Albert Einstein

As Einstein suggests, we can not expect to solve this problem, or any other for that matter, by driving down the same road that led us to this dead end in the first place. Remember -- the definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting a different result.

What does that mean?

We have to change things up!

A simple search of "going green" on the internet will lead you to thousands of tips of how to conserve energy, recycle, and eliminate toxins in your home or buisness. Everything from driving a hybrid, using compost as fertilizer and eating organic foods are said to be a start to preventing further damage on our ozone layer.

Even if you start implementing just one "going green" tip, you will hopefully be starting a pattern of healthy living that will progress into a healthy environment.

But, what about the environment of your mind?

Our spirit has an ozone layer, too. An invisible shield that's primary function is to protect us from being burned by a power more damaging than the sun. When our mind becomes flooded with negative emotion, painful feelings and most damaging - self defeating thoughts - the toxic air we release begins to erode our protective shield and leave holes, like scars on our spirit. Our weak areas become pathways for poison to pollute our soul and pour down on us, and our families, like acid rain. What's left is anything from an enironment struggling to survive, to a space that can no longer produce healthy thoughts.

Spend some time reflecting on your internal environment. Unlike the real ozone layer, should you find a hole, you can repair it quickly. But, like the real iniative of "going green", it will take a life change.

It will take a committment to love your self and speak loving words to those around you.

Repairing the damage will require adding new thoughts in - thoughts that are forgiving, encouraging, loving and determined to live a fruitful life.

Maybe you are content with your ozone layer, damage and all. "It's only effecting me." you may think. "No need to change when I am the one who lives it."

Not true. Re-read a few paragraphs up. Your unwillingness to change your internal environment effects everyone around you - specifically those who love you. Just as the ozone layer has felt the effect of our ancestors ways of living, so will your spirit imprint on those who are to follow you. Individuals you have yet to meet will be effected by your choices to provide a healthy internal enviroment today.

This weekend reflect on your internal enviroment. Make a committment to recycle the good inside of you and eleminate the toxins. Do it for you and those you love. Going green will keep you from getting the blues!

"For this very reason,

make every effort to add to your

faith goodness;

and to goodness, knowledge;

and to knowledge, self control;

and to self control, perseverance;

and to perseverance, godliness;

and to godliness, brotherly kindness;

and to brotherly kindness, love.

For if you increase these qualities

in increasing measure, they

will keep you from being ineffective

and unproductive..."

2 Peter 1:5-8