Back in the Saddle.

"I'm back in the saddle again!"

"I'm back!"

Too bad I don't know any of the other words to that song. Really too bad for those that live around me. I can sing (aka yell) and dance (aka jump around with my air guitar and scrunched up nose) to the same two lyrics of a song all day.

"I'm back in the saddle again!" I think my cat actually rolled her eyes at this outburst.

The angel who adorns brown cotton clothes, a smile and an electronic clip board blessed me my new computer!! It's a week of celebration!

My old buddy is back. My fingers can dance on the keyboard and document my internal dialogue. Today is a good day.

Lately I have noticed more smiles all around me. Maybe it's the sunshine that stays around a little longer, or the rain in my neck of the woods that is so needed. The hint of spring on the horizon, or the tiny green leaves emerging from the ground. Whatever it is, people seem to be rejoicing that their treasures have returned back to them. Never lost, but gone long enough for us to forget about the joy they bring.

In all my excitement of the computer, I still feel the familiar twinge of pain in my chest.

The unsettling in my stomach.

Who or what is the culprit of this nagging sensation that draws me out rock band mode?

Guilt. For no particular reason, I suppose. Not a logical one anyway.

I have been given very much in this life. More than my share. So, when something more is given to me I feel a small sting of doubt, "Do I deserve this?". What about those who are given little?

And here is where we begin walking the very fine line.

Lean too much one way and you risk living a life where you ignore all of your blessings and turn your back on your own needs. You constantly turn away from the gifts of love (be it relational or material) and abandon what God deemed good for you because you can not accept that you are worthy of abundance. Therefore you lack... not just materially, but spiritually. Ever felt like you give and give to someone and they are not grateful? We do it to God everyday when we ignore our own gifts.

Lean too much the other side and you become a slave to acquiring more in order to feed the craving. Getting more things means requiring a status in this world. The jolt of excitement fades away after each new thing. So, you are always wanting. Rarely grateful, and instead believing you have fallen victim to the perception that whatever blessing you receive will never be enough to fill your tank. On both sides of this line, our blessings go unnoticed eventually. God goes unnoticed eventually.

They key to any balancing act is to focus on one thing. In yoga, it's the spot on the floor where my eyes become fixed. The running back keeps his eyes glued to the touchdown mark, just as the defensive team is glued to the quarter back (did I actually make a football comparison?). The dancer "spots" a part of the room before she twirls around as to not get dizzy. Even when I was learning to drive, I was instructed to keep my eyes in my lane and not the surrounding traffic.

Remember, keep your eyes focused on your God, on the truths for your spirituality and the real meaning of life. This is the space where in celebration or grief, you never loose site of the giver of all things and you can truly experience joy.

"I'm back!"