Masks

There is nothing

that gives more assurance

than a mask.

Colette

October 31st is fun for me! The costumes, creativity, bright colors and (of course) the candy make the normal Wednesday a little more festive. Dressing up and pretending to be someone or something you are not can give us quite a thrill.

Some of us dress up in masks and costumes everyday. Not the ones that we can see, but the pretend acts we layer on to shield our true selves from others. In a way, it is necessary. I don't speak with my boss the same way I speak to my friends. I am different 'in session' than I am 'out of session'. We do have to change roles in order to be effective. But, when we are lost in the fantasy of 'being' someone else and not acknowledging our true selves, then we are living a lie.

While we may temporarily feel confident by the mask we wear... or even victorious that we can stuff down so much and only present what we perceive others want to see... eventually the mask will wear on you. Some have dubbed it "The Impostor Syndrome". The accolades, well wishes and positive things that come from playing your role never sink in past the layers of the mask. Therefore, you never feel good about you... because you are not being you.

Today while you are enjoying the snickers and laughing at some costumes, examine the masks you wear. Are you being authentic to your true self? Do you accept the things that make you you, or do you hide them away for superficial reasons? When you look in the mirror at your unmasked face, do you like what you see?

I'm gonna let it shine.

It's difficult to celebrate when there is so much grief in the world. Fires, tropical storms, hurricanes, wars.... Loss of houses, loss of things, loss of life. Grief is everywhere. I feel overwhelmed with emotion when I imagine how many mothers, fathers, spouses, brothers, sisters and friends are mourning the loss of someone they love. It wasn't that long ago that I was staying in a beach house with friends for our college fall break. It's painful when things hit close to home.

Now that we have our daily dose of heart break I think I will crawl back under the covers. The last thing I want is to go to work and hear about others' issues now. I think I'll go back to sleep. It's silent there, it's dark there, it's safe there, it's easier than facing the world.

But, we are called to move on and be beacon for those that are suffering.

You are the light of the world.

A city on a hill cannot be hidden.

Neither do people light a lamp

and put it under a bowl.

Instead they put it on its stand,

and it gives light to everyone in the house.

In the same way,

Let your light shine before men,

that they may see your good deeds

and praise your Father in heaven.

Matthew 5:14-16

There are many different interpretations of this message. Today, it is reminding me that the horrible events of the world do not have the power to blow out my candle of hope unless I allow it. We can not allow worldly events to dim our faith that God is good. Our light reminds us and others that a higher power is in control, even though the world may seem in chaos.

Celebration does not mean there has to be a party with balloons and loud displays of excitement. It can also be the silent, loving listener that stands beside the mourning, helping their light to shine when they are too weak to keep it lit alone.

Don't get back under the covers today. Face the world and let your light shine.

Bring out the good china!

Today is my wedding anniversary! It's so hard to believe that it has already been two years since Shane and I were married. It seems like yesterday when he got down on his knee and asked me to marry him... and then I ran around the house screaming without even saying yes! Tonight there will be a celebration!
When someone we love is engaged, pregnant, starting a new job or moving into a new home, we all become astute advisers ready to voice our opinions on what to do and how to do it right! When I was engaged I heard lots of advice: "You need to be engaged for a year to enjoy it", "A year is too long, make it shorter". And so forth, and so forth, down to every detail of the wedding to the gender roles in a marriage.
There was one piece of advice that I heard over and over again, at every shower and party I attended: "Use your good china! Bring it out for every celebration! Be sure to celebrate the little things!" I can't tell you why these words stuck with me like they did. Perhaps it was the amount of times I heard it. Or maybe it was the fact that the majority of these ladies were older than me by far. I couldn't help to note that some were already widowed for years. They knew the phases of love far better than I could, having not even taking my vows yet. They weren't telling me to do anything but to use my good china to celebrate! I can't help to think there was something else to these words of advice that went unsaid. Surely there was an undertone of "life is short".
Is eating off your good china every once in a while the key to a happy marriage? Maybe not, but it sure helps! Life is sweeter when we celebrate. Big or small, celebrate and give thanks for the good things in your life!
This week focus on what you can celebrate. Is is it a work project that is finally completed? A milestone in recovering from a bad habit? A bank error in your favor (even if it is 25 cents!)? Your dog's third birthday? The first sounds you have heard from your baby? A par on a tough golf course? Or that the fires are starting to be contained in California? Whatever you are excited about - celebrate it! Don't let the happy times pass by without acknowledgement! I don't have a clue what we are having for dinner tonight... maybe even Chinese take out! But, I can guarantee you it will be on the fine china!

"Celebrate we will,

For life is short

but sweet for certain."

Dave Mathews

The good old days...

"This world is going too fast.

Improvements, politics, reform, religion - all fly!

Railroads, steamers, packets, race against

time and beat it hollow.....

Oh, for the good old days of heavy post coaches and

speed at the rate of six miles an hour!"

Philip Hone, 1844

An Empire of Wealth

Shane shared with me this excerpt from his recent history read. Philip Hone was born in 1781 and was having a difficult time adjusting to the technological advances of the 1800's - trains were then going a whopping 20 miles an hour! Many still feared you may spontaneously combust if a human went much faster than that. Wow. Now Shane sits track side watching cars race at 200mph. The world sure is a faster place...

According to An Empire of Wealth, the quote above was the first recorded use of the phrase "the good old days". For hundreds of years, we have all been reminiscing a simpler, more comfortable time. With each major change, generation after generation embraces the fear that all that once was pure and simple will now be convoluted and unholy. We all say the new changes aren't necessary and are frivolous. And then we start incorporating the change in our life... and suddenly, without warning.... the thing that was once deemed unnecessary is not only a regular staple in our day to day living... but, we can not even fathom a world without such a necessary tool. And the cycle of change continues...

The phrase "the good old days" seems to be focused on fear... and maybe even a dash of resentment for the current pace of time. The truth is that some things in the world do function at a necessary fast pace. I am sure the business man on Wall Street would have little patience for my slow Southern drawl and need to use many adjectives to describe my excitement for the day.

The other part of that truth, however, is that the natural world still functions on a slow, even, perfectly planned pace. A baby still has nine months in the womb for optimal development. A seed still does not grow and bloom over night. The high tides at the beach last as long as necessary to complete it's mission. Nature does not pay much attention to the fast pace world, it only focuses on perfectly fulfilling it's individual calling.

And so it is with us...

Live the good days today! Don't blame your disappointments or lack of satisfaction on the growing number of changes in the world. Instead focus on your calling, your pure and simple nature - on the things that never change. "The good old days" are not lost to us unless we close our eyes to it.

Change with time.

There is a time for everything,

and a season for every activity under heaven:

a time to be born and a time to die,

a time to plant and a time to uproot,

a time to kill and a time to heal,

a time to tear down and a time to build,

a time to weep and a time to laugh,

a time to mourn and a time to dance,

a time to scatter stones and a time to gather them,

a time to embrace and a time to refrain,

a time to search and a time to give up,

a time to keep and a time to throw away,

a time to tear and a time to men,

a time to be silent and a time to speak,

a time to love and a time to hate,

a time for war and a time for peace.

What does the worker gain from his toil?

I have seen the burden God has laid on men.

He has made everything beautiful in its time.

Ecc. 3 1-11

Have you ever marveled in the perfect nature of God's timing? I have literally been in awe of how all events must have played out perfectly in the Divine plan for an event, perhaps seeming small, to occur and have such a grand impact on someone's life. Everything has to be in perfect order and occur at the exact moment for God to intervene and touch your life. Reflect on those perfect timing moments some today and give thanks for them.

Have you ever thought God's watch battery died and He lost time all together? He forgot you? Or clearly he was mistaken for taking someone too soon or allowing an issue to linger too long? I have marveled and grieved God's timing.

But, it's just that - God's timing. And, thank goodness, not my own. I may try to grab the watch from him and take control, but He silently reminds me that His timing is perfect and meant for the greater good -- or to make all things beautiful.

Change is a part of life. Every change has a perfect timing. If you are distressed and completely unsure of a decision, let it rest. It may not be the time. God will send you peace and a clear direction when it is time to start that plan. Don't loose faith and begin to doubt. Keep a steady, faithful heart and remember that there is a time for everything.

Experiencing Change

Virgina Satir was a psychotherapist and pioneer in family therapy. In my graduate studies I took a course that focused on her teachings and theories of counseling. She was an experiential therapist, so naturally we were challenged to experience the class rather than just fill a seat.
In one class we were focusing on Satir's Model of Change.

According to Satir, the process of change has five stages: 1. The status quo (life now as we know it), 2. Introduction to a foreign element (the change agent), 3. chaos, 4. integration (learning new ways of coping) and 5. The new status quo. Simple enough, right? In this particular class we were asked to experience this model and I was the chosen one to leave the room while the rest of the group formed a plan.

When I was asked to come back in the room I saw two parallel lines of students facing one another. I was told to go to one end of the line. It looked like I was staring down a tunnel. The instructor announced that we would do the exercise as many times as it took for me to understand what was going on. My competitive nature jumped in and was I determined it wouldn't take long.

I was asked to start walking, and I did. After a few steps, a peer jumped out and tackled me, pushing me out of the line. Next another student grabbed my arm and jerked me back in, while another pulled my legs making it difficult for me to walk. I could barely catch my balance before someone else would push me, pull me, grab me and forcefully directed me to another place. One covered my eyes, another held my wrists, another wouldn't let go of my legs when I tried to walk on my own. I eventually found ways to get past the crowd, and slowly (like walking in water) made it to a place where I could walk freely and alone. Whew. I was worn out and quite surprised such an exercise was so difficult.

"What did you learn about change?" the professor asked.

"That it's harder than I thought." I reported.

"Good." she said, "Now do it again"

And I did. This time, I knew what to expect, though - so, I kept my eyes focused on the end. I was still surprised at the "foreign element". It was a different student and this time she yelled in my face instead of tackling me. But, like a dancer who spots the wall when she turns, I kept my eyes locked on the other side of the room.

The professor asked again, "What have you learned about change?"

"That if you keep your eyes on your goal you don't get as dizzy."

"Good. Now do it again".

And so it went... several times... each time I became more frustrated. I couldn't figure out what else she wanted me to learn from this process. I walked timidly through the line, looking at each face, wondering who the change agent was going to be and what they were going to do. I tried to predict each move. I analyzed each action, trying to discover what it was that I was meant to learn. I tried to keep control of the situation.

When I gave up, I finally got the lesson.

We can't tip toe through life, analyzing each event, filled with anxiety over what and who will be the next change. Change is all around us. Big ones and small ones. Painful ones and happy ones. Planned and unplanned. Each change goes through the same process: normalcy, change, chaos, new ways of learning and new status quo. When we try to control the situation, we only become stuck in chaos.

How many times have you questioned why a certain event occurred in your life. "What was I suppose to learn from this?" I feel like if I can answer that question then I will make sense of the whole process. I feel like if I analyze it to death, if I review each detail, if I process it enough then I will find the answer. There is a whole lot of I's in that sentence.
Through that exercise, I learned a lot about change. I can sum it up like this: When the unpredicted, or the change, occurs - don't try to control it... just let it be. Don't fight the heavy currents of change, float with it, all the while keeping your eye on the goal with a silent confidence that you will be OK and make it to the other end. Finally, don't search for the answer of 'why'... it will be right in front of your face as soon as you stop looking.

When fall comes.... we may lose some leaves.

I love this time of year! I feel like nature has given me many gifts recently. After a long day of work, I have smiled at the beautiful colors in the sky as the sun sets at the exact time I am driving home. My attention has been focused on the dry grass and dieing flowers... now, I am trying to look up at the beautiful changing colors of trees. What a difference a change in focus makes for how you view the world.
Recently I was listening to a motivational tape that challenged the listener to pick something in nature (or animals) that your spirit feels it needs to model. It gave examples of watching a cat lie in the sun... should you model that relaxed spirit? Or a seed in the earth.... patiently growing to full bloom... should you model that patience? I'll admit it - I wasn't' in the mood to reflect on nature and how my spirit should model it. I wasn't quite sure I understood the point of it anyway.
Then the words of an old client rang in my head. This lady had visited the depths of depression that some can't come out of. She was consistently improving, she was more healthy, she was alive again. The right type of medicine certainly played a role in her recovery. A role, but not all of it. I asked her, "What did you do differently that you think made a difference?" . She responded, "I tried all the things that everyone told me to try... without judgement I just tried." Too often we judge that something won't work, so we don't do it. But, if we try, then we may be pleasantly surprised.
Pooh. I guess I had to try.
Then I saw the beautiful tree... changing colors.. half green, half yellow and pink, half of it's leaves falling. That was it. That was what my spirit needed to model. How to be OK with change.
Whenever change is in my life -- positive or negative -- I want to slam on the brakes, re-think it all, and find some arguments for why change should not be happening! I can imagine if I were that tree... I wouldn't let any leaves fall without an argument, those were MY leaves and needed to stay with ME!! And the colors look so beautiful, but, would I miss the green? And didn't the pretty colors mean that they would just leave me soon? Then I would be bare. Would people forget about me? Could I make it without leaves?
Yes - I would be a neurotic tree.
There's something to be learned from that tree, though. Change is a part of life. Change can be beautiful. Change can be frightening. Change is necessary for re-birth and growth. We have to let some things go in order to enjoy the process of what God has in store for us. We have to trust in that process.
I have never heard a tree arguing with God about it's plans. We do it all the time, though. This week let's reflect on change.. good ones and bad ones. Keep your mind focused on the greater cycle of life.. the bigger picture... not the one leaf that is falling to the ground.

Be the peace.

I've enjoyed reflecting on how to find peace in a busy world this week. I feel like we all could think of many tools to put in our tool box! In fact, I encourage you to have a very full tool box! If we only have one or two chosen coping skills to deal with stress, we will eventually wear those skills out to the point where they just don't work anymore. Take a few minutes to take inventory of the many different methods you know of to reduce your own personal stress. Make sure you aren't leaning on one to heavily. Always ask yourself, "Is this working for me?" If the answer is no, it's time to return to box and pick another healthy skill!

Today's tool: Quit being a pain in the neck!

Our lives may not fit the standard definition of peace. We may be rushing and zooming through the day; there may be 'crisis' after 'crisis' we are attending too. Our colleagues, bosses and peers may be short or down right rude to us. We may miss the bus. Our car may break down. The baby may never stop crying. We may get a headache, backache, or tooth ache. The bottom line is this: Just because life may be a pain the neck, doesn't mean we have to be.
We have the ability, the power and the obligation to always be in check with our attitude towards other people, no matter what has happened during our day. In the midst of a storm, we can keep calm waters in our soul. In the middle of war, we can react and act in a peaceful manner to one another.
I am the only one in charge of my attitude. There is not a person or thing that can change my attitude unless I allow it. The truth is that I do allow things to effect my mood. But, if I choose to dump my bad mood on the sales clerk, the bank teller or even you, then I am not acting peaceful... and therefore it is more difficult for me to find peace. When we are disrespectful, rude and react with aggressiveness or defensiveness, we loose a piece of our self respect. And worse, we become the negative in another person's day. It's very difficult to find peace on a deserted island or in a busy city with that weight on your shoulders.

"If it is possible, as far as it depends on you,

live at peace with everyone."

Romans 12:18 NIV

LIVE AT PEACE WITH EVERYONE.

How do you do that? Judge less, or not at all if possible! Stop worrying about what others are doing and focus on what you are doing. Support one another instead of slashing people when they are down. As many times as you point the finger... count the number pointing back at you. Remember that every word you utter to a loved one or a stranger, may be what makes or breaks thier day. Choose to make someone's day. Offer everyone the respect they deserve. If you can live your life as a mirror image of peace... then it doesn't matter how busy you are or what the content of your day entails, your process of communicating with others may be the most important tool in your box. If you express a peaceful attitude, you will be more at peace.

Dr. Johnny McKinney ends his sermons with this saying every week. Read it and take it to heart this weekend:

Remember this, life is short.

We have not much time to gladden the hearts

of those with whom we journey.

Therefore, be swift to love,

make haste to be kind,

and live your lives in the light of eternity.

Go in peace.

Life is to be lived, not filled.

Tool #3: Pour tea to drink it, not to just fill a cup.



There is an old Chinese parable. I regret I am not able to name the author or quote it specifically. Here is my best re-interpretation of it:


A young man is excited about meeting and talking with a wise elder. When the young man arrives in his elder's office, the man asks him if he would like a cup of tea. The young man was delighted by his kindness and eagerly accepted. The elder began to fill the cup with hot tea. Watching the tea reach the brim, the young man smiled. The elder smiled back, but continued to pour the tea. Now the younger man became nervous as he watched the tea spill over the cup and on to the saucer. Still, the elder did not stop pouring. When the young man asked what he was doing, the elder responded, "Sometimes filling things up too much makes us loose the goodness of the gesture."

Too much of anything is just that.. too much. I love chocolate... too much and I'm sick. I love riding rides, but, this summer I took my brother to Carowinds.. and after too many I felt dizzy. I have a friend who recently decided to take some time away from teaching. She said to me, "I like french fries, alcohol and teaching. If I have to much of any of these it's not good for me." She knew not to over fill her cup, too.


I've spoken with lots of people, (and experienced this myself) who in hindsight believe they just started busying their lives to avoid something. To avoid grief, avoid facing a pain, avoid fear, or even avoid the people in their life. Funny thing about those issues we avoid, they slam into you hard eventually. If you are avoiding something, or going through a personal grief, now is not the time to have your cup overflow. Make an effort to loosen up on things and allow yourself to feel.

For today, allow yourself to be able to accept the moment that you are in, without having to fill it with a worry, planning for something, or the desire to change. Acknowledge that what is present is not only good enough for you, but perfectly designed for you to meet your higher calling. Then just relax and know that you don't have to have all the answers and you don't have to be in control. Remember your cup can only hold so much. When you start to pour something in your life, ask yourself if you are going to enjoy your drink.. or are you just trying to fill an empty cup?

Balance

Tool #2... Balance.


Balance is the key to life. The key to a peaceful, happy, joyful life. We can be busy, we can be really busy, and all is well as long as we have balance in our lives.


There are five key parts to all of us:

1. Our physical self.

2. Our intellectual self.

3. Our emotional self.

4. Our spiritual self.

5. Our relational self. (The relationships we have and foster).


I can guarantee you one thing: You will be out of whack, out of sinct, unstable and eventually fall off the tight rope if you don't have balance among those five parts of your self. Perhaps there is something else unique to your breed that you need to had to these five. Add as many as you need for you, but you can't take any away. These five are the foundations for a sturdy, stable, peaceful life. Do some checking up on these five areas.


Are you working hard, meeting your deadlines, remembering to religious (but, not spiritual), keeping up with your family... but, your not sleeping well and you are filled with anxiety and dread. You're off balance.


Our five parts may not always weigh the exact same. We won't always be perfectly in balance, but it should be close. Get out a piece of paper and write these five areas on the bottom of the page. On the left had side of the page, write the numbers 0-10, starting at the bottom and moving up. Now graph out where you fall on this scale with each part of your self. Zero means this part is not in your life at all.;10, of course means is a big chunk of your pie, or daily life. Connect the dots and look at your graph. Do they look in balance, with little difference between them in number? Or is your graph significantly skewed?


Have you ever been to the circus and watched the acrobats walk on the tight rope? I am always amazed at the balance it must take to do such a trick. Not just physical balance, but mental balance, too. Emotionally they must be able to tune out their fears, ignore the crowd, and relax the mind. Every muscle that moves would have to be deliberate. One small pinkie toe could possibly throw them off balance. Or one negative thought that was not rebuked.


Be deliberate about your move through life. Check up on these five areas. Make adjustments if you need too. If you don't, you could lose your balance and have a damaging fall.

It's time to be vaccinated!

I am so excited about this topic of finding peace amidst a busy lifestyle, that I am going to reflect on it all week. Just like a plumber needs a wrench, a cook needs a sharp knife, or an accountant needs a calculator, we have to have tools to help us with our mission.



Tool #1: Get your relaxation vaccine early this year!



We have been getting shots since we were newborns. Stabs in our skin that release a disease fighting agent to prevent us from getting really ill. This week I plan to join the crowds and get a flu shot. Before I board a plane, or enter a crowded space, I drink Airborne for an extra dose of vitamins. All of this is to help my body fight against germs that I may or may not encounter.



We have to do the same things in our daily lives. Plan a vacation. Mark a day off of work in three months for no apparent reason. Then use that day to rest and recharge your battery. Call for a babysitter when you have no plans yet... take the hour or so to do what comes to you.



We have to be preventative in incorporating relaxation (or fun time!) in our lives. If we always rely on reacting to stress before we are aware it's time to slow down, the the wear and tear can detirerate our physical self... and it could also lead to an emotional/spiritual breakdown. I have seen a lot of people who lived their life like a hamster on the wheel.... forgetting to slow down.... but eventually the wheel starts spinning so fast that they loose all control... until their world slowly starts to crumble.


And then... they relax... take a break... and they come to me and say, "Liz, I feel great! Best I have ever felt! I am ready to get back on the wheel!"

To which I respond, "What will you do differently this time?"

"I don't know what you mean. I feel great! No need to change things!" They are often so proud of getting over this breakdown they forget how to prevent another one.



Somebody once said, "The definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over again, expecting different results." Don't be crazy and think you can get right back on the wheel without protecting yourself from injury.



I have a friend who schedules "me time" in her calendar. If it's in her calendar, it will get done. Today I want you to look at your calendar and find a space to schedule some preventative maintenance on your self. I don't feel like I need to get my oil changed when I do. There is typically nothing wrong with my car from what I can tell. But, I go... because if I don't, the damage could be costly! So, even if you are feeling on top of the world, remember to find time to plan for relaxation. The damage on your spirit could also be costly!

Taking inventory!

A good friend of mine recently e-mailed me an interesting question:

"There is very little about my everyday life right now that resembles the standard definition of "peace": quiet and calm and collected. At least on the outside. I am up by 5am, rushing to get to the bus, traffic into the city, 8 blocks to the office, at my desk by 7:30am, workworkworkworkwork, 8 blocks to the bus station, traffic, home by 7pm, cook dinner, eat, study for the CFA exam, bed. And I am competitive. I tend to believe in creative destruction; if you are too comfortable, you aren't trying hard enough. That doesn't sound very peaceful. At the end of the day, I'm tired. But I'm happy, and I think internally, things are peaceful in my life. Well, even internally there is stress sometimes, but I tend to think of it as a positive force, rather than a negative one. It tends to motivate. And I don't let it carry over into other aspects of my life. Libby (his wife) and I are happy with each other, and we work to make each other happy. In short, I think it's possible for outside stress and internal peace to coexist. What are your thoughts?"

While the details of my friend's day may be much different than your day... I am confident that many of you feel the same way. Busy. Busy. Busy. So, can peace coexist with a stressful schedule and busy lifestyle?

My first instinct is to answer this question like I would answer one of my client's. In my soft, emphatic therapist tone I would look at him in his eyes and say, "What do you think?". I know, annoying isn't it? While that is cliche for therapists to say, the truth is, a large part of it is what you think, or what your breed is.

Don't forget we all need different things. Some of us need more down time than others. For instance, I need to interact with other people. No different than I need food and water, I truly feel I have to be communicative with others in order to emotionally survive. Other times I need to shut down from the world in order to face it again. So, assuming that you are busy (because who isn't these days?), ask yourself first if you feel at peace in your life. Your gut always knows. ALWAYS knows.

There may be a tiny voice that says, "You know you really should call ________." Or, "I really should sleep some more." Or maybe you are too busy that you aren't even hearing 'the voice' anymore. Slow down long enough to do an inventory.

One problem I have with some therapist and others in the helping profession, is the possibility of making a problem out of something that really isn't a problem. If it ain't broke.. don't fix it. Right? So, when reflecting on your life, if you find peace and contentment (even excitement and joy) as the sum of your daily events, then pat yourself on the back and remember to check back in a couple of weeks.

The key here is the intention. The verbs in these sentences are what keeps us healthy. The act of reflecting, the moment spent looking inward, or the small, purposeful action that is added to the day in order to encourage peace. Read below at my friend's second e-mail statement.

"I've been redefining what the word "peace" means over the years. Four or five years ago I would have said that it means sitting on a rock at Wa-Floy, during our mandated daily alone time during that retreat. Or sitting on the deck of a beach house in Edisto with my dad, "pondering the ocean", as he puts it, and drinking a cup of coffee in the morning. But I think I've expanded it over the years to include more real world applications, like closing my eyes on the bus ride in the morning and relaxing and preparing my mind for the day. Or if the day has been really stressful, leaving at 4 and grabbing a coffee and sitting in Bryant Park and reading for an hour before I go home. It's the little things. Believe it or not, you can find peace in New York if you look for it. But it usually needs to be an act of will. It won't find you."

He summed up his own question perfectly. Remember that finding peace, in New York or on a mountain top, is, as he puts it, an act of will. Will yourself this week to reflect, do some inventory, take a few minutes to take a deep breath. Visualize yourself separating from the worldly 'noise' and listen within.

Just Do it!

I enjoy writing.
I like the challenge of using words to create an image.
I am not introverted. I am extroverted.
I wonder why I feel like you have to be an introvert to write?
Another stereotype I put in my mind.... a myth I tell myself to put out the flame... to stop myself from doing something I enjoy.
I can't spell good. Not real good anyway. I confuse sayings. Just the other day I said, "Let's don't put all our chickens in the basket." That didn't make any sense... but, it did make us laugh.
I enjoy writing.
Are the thoughts in my head worthy of writing down?
Do people think I am weird? (Don't answer that!)
Does my writing even make sense?
I could go on and on about the myths, the lies, the ill thoughts that my brain actually entertains.
Where does this voice of criticism come from?
I enjoy writing.
Should I be cleaning the kitchen?
Is there something better I can do with my time?
Why can't I just allow myself to enjoy doing something.... without worry about the result... how it will be perceived... what will come of it.
I love watching children play.
They color, build, mold, paint, create, destroy, sing, act, tell stories, and play pretend. They do it all for one purpose... because they enjoy it. It makes them feel good.
Children have not learned to be inhibited. They are blessed for that.
This weekend do something you enjoy... simply because it is fun for you. Laugh at yourself. Allow yourself to do something because of how it makes you feel, not just because you are "good at it".
If dancing makes you feel good... dance.
If you like to sing... sing.
If you want to play golf... play.
Release yourself from any preconceived notions.

Just do it!

Enjoy playing!

No Peace For Me!

Don't want to feel content? Make sure you follow these steps found in Elisabeth Elliot's book, "Keep a Quiet Heart".

How to Forfeit Peace

1.

Resent God's ways.

2.

Worry as much as possible.

3.

Pray only about things you can't manage by yourself.

4.

Refuse to accept what God gives.

5.

Look for peace elsewhere than in Him.

6.

Try to rule your own life.

7.

Doubt God's word.

8.

Carry all your cares.

Make sure you follow these instructions carefully. Remember, you only need to do one of these to ensure you will not have peace.

The winds and waves, but not you?

HURRY UP!! Go run and find some peace!


Quick! Yell, scream, fight and demand peace!


Doesn't make much sense, does it? Then why are we doing it?


We talk about wanting a peaceful life, or even to "feel at peace" with a loss, a decision we or someone else has made; we crave that sense of fulfillment; undenying knowledge that everything is as it should be and for the greater good, but, we don't slow down long enough to allow it to come to us.

Peace is not a thing you can search for and certainly not something to be demanded from God, yourself or anyone else. The only action you can take is to be still and allow peace to enter your soul. Peace will not enter until we make room for it in our lives. By making room, we must slow down. This doesn't mean you have to take a day off work, find a babysitter and lay in bed all day. It only means that you need to take a few minutes out of your day to slow down your body, your mind, your life and allow God to work inside of you by bringing peace in your life.

I am sure you are all familiar with the passages in Matthew, Mark and Luke that describe when Jesus calms the storm. Jesus and the disciples were traveling, when a huge storm came upon them, frightening the disciples. When they finally woke Jesus and asked for his help, Jesus said simply, "Peace. Be Still." And the winds and waves calmed, leaving the disciples in wonder at His powers.

Lets think about how powerful and all knowing your higher power is. Even with all the examples you can give, our tiny brains still can not wrap around the magnificence of the supernatural world. Have you ever given much thought to how much had to be exactly right for you to form in your mothers wound... as you. We trust God in those 9 months to do and be all we need to develop. We have the power to go back into that state of trust and then we can receive all the peace one can imagine.

That's it. No magic wand, or special potion. Just a few little steps. Follow these steps and peace will and can enter your life, in God's time, of course.

1. Recognize and acknowledge the storms in your life. If you aren't aware of what's going on, you won't know how to ask for help.

2. Stop. Be Still.

3. Ask. Don't demand. Ask for your higher power to help bring peace in your life.

4. Be still again and trust, have faith, that all will be taken care of in time. ALLOW it to happen and trust in the greater good.

Can you control the wind? I can't. Can you stop waves from crashing? Not me, either. Don't be fooled into thinking you can control much else without God's help.

Peace, Be Still.

Nose job or nut job?

In August of this year I went to the dentist for the first time in a couple of years. I know, I know - your suppose to go every six months. I was just "in between" dentists and finally got around to scheduling an appointment. Up until this visit I was proud to say (and a little stuck up about it, according to my husband) that I had a cavity free mouth. My dentist, however, shattered all my illusions by saying I did have a cavity and that my x-rays looked "a little funny". According to the x-rays, my sinuses looked a little swollen and there were some shadow things on my gums (plus I had a knot on my lip he wanted removed). So, he referred me to an oral/facial surgeon for a 'consultation' and then added, "I don't think it's a tumor or anything - but, you may want to check it out." WHAT?
So, I procrastinated, like I sometimes do, and then decided to make the appointment for the consultation. (I mean my parents have spent enough money on my mouth - the least I can do is get it checked out, right?) Today I am in the office, ready for the doc to tell me it's not a big deal. Which, thankfully, he did. No need to get the knot removed; sinuses do look swollen, but surgery is not needed; 'shadows' on the x-rays don't mean anything. Check. Check. Check.
But wait. "Let me have a look at your nose." The doc then tells me he thinks I have a deviated septum "that will eventually cause me difficultly breathing", and that my nostrils "cave in" making it difficult for air to go through. (I just doubled checked as I am blogging - don't worry - breathing just fine). So, he advises I have a surgery to fix the septum and open my nostrils.
OK. Hmmm.... Let me explain another piece of my personality. I am easily talked in to things that are unnecessary that may cost me money. As I am processing how gum x-rays turned in to breathing issues that I didn't even know existed, I hear the doctor ask his assistant to bring him two mirrors. He then has me hold each mirror parallel to my face, so I can see my profile, and asks... "Have you ever considered altering the features of your nose?"
"Like a nose job?"
"Kind of - it is is cosmetic. I would suggest making your nose a touch longer at the tip and thinner up top". I look in the mirrors.
I have always had a small nose that is often joked about endearingly with my family. It sticks up a little and my parents use to tell me that God must of ran out of clay when making me. But, it's MY nose. Short and all.
He offered me a "deal" if I chose to do all the procedures. Well, I like deals at Target, but at the surgeon's office? No, thank you. I called my mom. Called a friend. Bugged Shane for an hour with tears in my eyes ("Shane, is my nose UGLY?"). I wish I could say I was confident in who I was at first. But, there was a shred of doubt.
But, at the end of the day I know the truth. We have to be at peace with who we are, what our choices mean and what we look like. Peace with our imperfections. Peace with who God created us to be. Being at peace with ourselves does not mean that all is 'peaceful' around us. We have to say 'no' sometimes. We have to stand up for what we think is best, even if it isn't the most popular choice. To be at peace with ourselves, we have to be willing to make a few waves, or disappoint a few nut jobs.

Peace

This week I would like to reflect on peace. Peace is the state of mind, state of soul, state of the world, that we all want. We have different ideas of how to accomplish our goal. Nonetheless, I believe it is our ultimate urge - to be at peace. So, what does peace mean for our spirit? One morning I jotted down some of my thoughts on peace:

Peace...

Absolute contentment with what is.

No wishes, desires or thoughts of circumstances changing.

A flexible mindset,

embracing whatever comes.

Not just acceptance alone,

but, acceptance with deep love,

without trying to understand.

How could our minds wrap around

the supernatural order of the world?

We think with our souls.

The fear of being blind belongs

only to those who can not see.

Those who have felt peace, truth and love,

do not fear the unknown;

therefore, they can clearly see.

Peace is quite and still.

Like the sunrise over a mountain.

Peace is developing an eternal joy,

deep within your core.

Not fleeting happiness, but joy

and gratefulness for all you have been given.

Peace is life.

It allows for new life to begin.

Peace ignites in your soul

and then, like moths to a street lamp,

those seeking the fulfillment of

love, peace, joy and truth, will crowd to you.

But, you need not say anything.

Words complicate peace.

Words of the mind can condemn, offer judgements,

even without intention.

Instead you just exist and continue

in your own flame of peace.

Should a word be spoken,

it will come from deep in the soul,

whispered to the part of you who knows the

difference between ego and giving.

Live in the light.

Live with peace in your heart.

As you begin this week, spend a few minutes reflecting on this. Are you in a peaceful place in your life right now? What can you do to bring more peace in your day today? What can you do to offer peace to another?

Words

A dear friend gave me a beautiful journal for my birthday. Inside the cover she quoted an excerpt from a meditation on 'words' found in the newsletter, "Synchronicity" she subscribes to.

"Words are a way we connect with the world, acting as a

bridge between our inner and outer experience..... If we

view our words as powerful tools for manifesting our reality,

we may be more attentive as to how we use them."

I have read this over and over. This excerpt has so many meanings for me and you can go in several different directions in it's interpretation for your own life. I hope you spend some time developing a sense of what it means to you today.

As I read it this afternoon, I found myself extracting another meaning I had not paid much attention too.

I know we all say, "Say what you mean!" and "Tell those you love how much you love them!" - and the end of that is, of course, "Because it may be your last chance."

I consider myself very fortunate. I believe, with all my soul, that those that have passed on in my life, knew I loved them. I rest easy with this and feel a sense of peace from the blessing that I don't have to doubt this.

Sometimes, however, I am struck with the little things I loved about them, or learned from them, that I never verbally shared.

For example, when I left my Granny and Papa Woods' house, Papa would wave at you the whole time as you pulled out the drive way. I would even turn around as we were driving off and he was still waving. I've adopted this action when guests come. I want them to know, as my Papa let me know, that you are so important to me I will wave until I no longer see you."

And my Papa Streett - did he have a clue how in 'awe' I was that he could actually carve beautiful scenes out of soap? Not only could he do it - but, he then would spend several hours teaching my cousin and me how to do it. Did he have a clue that his patience and gentleness on that day still sticks with me after all these years?

These are little, simple actions that are engraved deeply and with significance in my heart.

I believe both these men know my love for them. I do wish I could have shared with them the little things.

So, that's your challenge today. Share the little things with your friends and your family. Tell them what unique part of their behaviors, rituals, traditions or personality that you love. Share a time from the past that you recall with warm feelings. Express to them what you have learned from being in their life. Whether it's big or small, it will be appreciated. Most importantly, your words will bridge a deeper understanding of your soul touched by another.

Enjoy your weekend!

Different Breeds

Meet Wyatt!
He's sweet, wild, loves to run around the porch (aka "his home") and dig holes in our yard.

Wyatt has made a new friend. Our neighbors recently added Tucker to their family. Tucker is an adorable dirty blond toy poodle. Wyatt and Tucker are unlikely friends, to say the least!

Huskies are naturally "winter dogs". They tend to not do well in the heat. So, every summer Shane and I buy a baby pool and fill it up for Wyatt to cool off in during the 90 degree days. And when it's real hot - we fill bowls of ice up for him to chew on. Huskies also need ALOT of exercise. Even though Wyatt has a whole yard to roam around, we still have to walk him several times a week so he can release energy. Another thing that makes them special (special is in the eyes of the beholder!) is they shed their coat slightly all year - and then have two major sheddings twice a year. During the "big shed" phase - it literally looks like snow covered our back yard -there is so much fur! So, needless to say we try to brush him and get him groomed as much as possible.

Now - what if my neighbors wanted to trade dogs for week. Let's imagine this experiment.
We change dogs for a week - and neither of the owners change their way of treating the dogs.
So, Tucker is now in a big yard, about to drown in a baby pool he can barely stand up in, looking at ice that is too big to put in his mouth, being brushed so much he has no fur left and he ends his day with a 2 mile walk that leaves him exhausted (and sore paws!)
I don't want to even think of Wyatt living Tuckers life! Their house would be destroyed!

It doesn't make sense to treat two different breeds of dogs the same way, does it?

Why don't we understand this distinction with humans?

When Shane started his new position last year, he came home after a weekend of traveling in a down mood.
"I just can't keep up with him!" Shane said about one of his colleagues.
He went on, "He's a machine. He can stay up until after midnight, then he wakes up at 6:00am am to run 10 miles, before he shows up bright eyed and bushy tailed to work 8:00am! I can't stay up that late and still function the next day. Maybe something is wrong with me."

Of course there is nothing wrong with Shane. He's just a different breed from this man. Just like there is nothing wrong with Wyatt or Tucker.
But, we still do this - we judge our selves by how we think other's live their lives. We think we must all conform to this one breed of people - and if we are not like one breed, something must be deformed in us - we MUST be flawed.

I think this happens a lot with people who are success driven - whether it's to be the "perfect" mom, the best dresser, or top notch in your job - we start to think our breed may not be "good enough".

You are good enough. Your breed - the way you live, the hours of sleep you need, the alone time or social time you crave, introvert or extrovert, works well under pressure - or needs time to plan - it is all you and perfectly arranged by a higher power to meet your calling in life.

So, stop wasting energy trying to change your breed. Instead, embrace the things that make you unique and use them to your advantage! It's also key when communicating with others - know the needs of the breed - don't treat every dog the same!

Drought!

Crunch. Crunch. Crunch.
That's the sound of the grass in our yard under my feet in the mornings. Everything is brown, brittle and dying. Everywhere there are talks of the water restrictions, seeding restrictions, planting restrictions and more. It's drought time.
We go through droughts, too. We feel spread thin, exhausted and dry of any enthusiasm for life. Just as with the grass, all we have to do is look around to see if we are in a personal drought. Are our relationships with friends and family more negative than not lately? Are we dreading getting out of bed in the mornings more and more? Do you feel like you are just going through the motions? Are you questioning, "Is this all that I was meant to do?"
The bible uses fruits and the fruit vine as a metaphor to describe a dry spirit. The bible tells us we must cut back the dead vines and prune the fruitful ones to become more fruitful. Are your vines fruitful right now? Or cracking at the seems?
The first step is to acknowledge.
And the second step is to pull out the sheers and start cutting back and pruning.
Simple things added to your daily life can bring about more joy. Telling someone you love you are sorry. Playing a board game. Planting a flower (when the restrictions are lifted of course). Volunteering for a day. Reading a meditation or scripture.

"But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self control." Galatians 5:22

Take a measure today of the 9 areas in your life. Are they producing fruit? Or our they dry and crunching under your feet?

Bring in Da Noise, Bring in Da Funk

Bring in Da Noise, Bring in Da Funk.
Ever heard of it?
It's a play that was on Broadway for some time. I am not sure if it still is or not. Those of you who know me well, know how much I love plays. I feel alive and passionate after seeing a really great play. Nonetheless, I have not seen Bring in Da Noise, Bring in the Funk. I think it is filled with some awesome dancing and cool music.
The title is what I can't seem to get off my mind today. It is true for me. When there is more "noise" there is more "funk" in my life. I have noticed this recently. Here's our morning routine:

Alarm beeps.
Snooze.
Alarm beeps.
Groan.
Alarm beeps.
Hand grabs for remote.
Hand blindly turns on the morning news.
We lay in the dark and listen to Meredith or Matt debate someone about politics.
Shane says, "I wish they would shut up".
I say, "me too."
We get out of bed.

We're the ones who have them on!! We invite debates, business, reality TV drama and arguments into our bedroom - and then we complain about what they are doing on TV. And what is really happening is we get our first seconds of an otherwise peaceful quiet morning started off with a complaint.
So, we changed some of that for a while. We listen to music or Joyce Meyer. It's changed my mood for the positive. Or I have spent some mornings sitting on the porch, not in front of the TV. I feel more peaceful all over.
Here is what your challenge is for the day. Turn off the noise whenever possible. Take a ride without listening to the news. Have dinner without the TV on. Take a walk with someone and don't feel like you have to fill it with endless chatter. Just be silent for a while and see what comes of it. Does your mood feel different?
Now, we may go back to the morning news one day. I doubt it's gone for good. Besides, I can't go ALL day without my celebrity gossip fix. But, it's important to remember that when something is on your mind, you have a decision to make, or you are just a little bit on the grump side:
Bring in da noise, bring in da funk.

What does it mean to listen?

It seems odd to begin a blog with listen in the title. For the most part, there will be no sound coming from this site. So, without sound - what is there to listen to? I am smiling as I type this - because you know where I am going with this. Who said we need sound to listen?

Webster defined listen: "1. To make a conscious effort to hear; attend closely, so as to hear. 2. To pay close attention; take advice." Nowhere in these definitions does it say the word "sound" or "noise" or even "use your ears" or ... you get the point.

Let's look at that definition for a minute. Some of it's points stand out to me. First, the definition says "to make a conscious effort" and "to attend closely". It strikes me that the definition does not fool us by pretending listening comes as a second nature. Listening doesn't automatically happen - like a knee jerk reaction to noise. Rather, we have to intend on listening. We have to focus, to zero all our senses into hearing. Have you ever watched one of those sports movies when the player is able to stand on the mound and tune out the crowd? It's like that - we have to tune out all of our distractions and pay close attention to what we are attempting to hear.

The last part of the second definition surprised me. "To take advice?" WHAT? But, I am listening to help someone else out, right? WRONG. That's what we think, though. "I'm a good friend because I listened to her in a time of need." Or, "OK - I listened to your argument - now you listen to mine!". Listening is not about winning or losing, not about earning the accolades of others. The goal of listening is to have a deeper understanding. When we can move away from fighting and truly listen to an other's side, we will not only have a more holistic view on the issue at hand, but can also more effectively come to a solution. When we turn down the noise and listen to nature, the sounds of an old house, the deep breaths of a baby sleeping or our own heart beat - we are feeding our spirit.

As we start a new month today, what is it that you need to pay close attention too? What do you need to zero in on in order to more completely understand? What advice do you need to stop fighting and start implementing? Most importantly - what are you spending your energy listening too?