"There is very little about my everyday life right now that resembles the standard definition of "peace": quiet and calm and collected. At least on the outside. I am up by 5am, rushing to get to the bus, traffic into the city, 8 blocks to the office, at my desk by 7:30am, workworkworkworkwork, 8 blocks to the bus station, traffic, home by 7pm, cook dinner, eat, study for the CFA exam, bed. And I am competitive. I tend to believe in creative destruction; if you are too comfortable, you aren't trying hard enough. That doesn't sound very peaceful. At the end of the day, I'm tired. But I'm happy, and I think internally, things are peaceful in my life. Well, even internally there is stress sometimes, but I tend to think of it as a positive force, rather than a negative one. It tends to motivate. And I don't let it carry over into other aspects of my life. Libby (his wife) and I are happy with each other, and we work to make each other happy. In short, I think it's possible for outside stress and internal peace to coexist. What are your thoughts?"
While the details of my friend's day may be much different than your day... I am confident that many of you feel the same way. Busy. Busy. Busy. So, can peace coexist with a stressful schedule and busy lifestyle?
My first instinct is to answer this question like I would answer one of my client's. In my soft, emphatic therapist tone I would look at him in his eyes and say, "What do you think?". I know, annoying isn't it? While that is cliche for therapists to say, the truth is, a large part of it is what you think, or what your breed is.
Don't forget we all need different things. Some of us need more down time than others. For instance, I need to interact with other people. No different than I need food and water, I truly feel I have to be communicative with others in order to emotionally survive. Other times I need to shut down from the world in order to face it again. So, assuming that you are busy (because who isn't these days?), ask yourself first if you feel at peace in your life. Your gut always knows. ALWAYS knows.
There may be a tiny voice that says, "You know you really should call ________." Or, "I really should sleep some more." Or maybe you are too busy that you aren't even hearing 'the voice' anymore. Slow down long enough to do an inventory.
One problem I have with some therapist and others in the helping profession, is the possibility of making a problem out of something that really isn't a problem. If it ain't broke.. don't fix it. Right? So, when reflecting on your life, if you find peace and contentment (even excitement and joy) as the sum of your daily events, then pat yourself on the back and remember to check back in a couple of weeks.
The key here is the intention. The verbs in these sentences are what keeps us healthy. The act of reflecting, the moment spent looking inward, or the small, purposeful action that is added to the day in order to encourage peace. Read below at my friend's second e-mail statement.
"I've been redefining what the word "peace" means over the years. Four or five years ago I would have said that it means sitting on a rock at Wa-Floy, during our mandated daily alone time during that retreat. Or sitting on the deck of a beach house in Edisto with my dad, "pondering the ocean", as he puts it, and drinking a cup of coffee in the morning. But I think I've expanded it over the years to include more real world applications, like closing my eyes on the bus ride in the morning and relaxing and preparing my mind for the day. Or if the day has been really stressful, leaving at 4 and grabbing a coffee and sitting in Bryant Park and reading for an hour before I go home. It's the little things. Believe it or not, you can find peace in New York if you look for it. But it usually needs to be an act of will. It won't find you."
He summed up his own question perfectly. Remember that finding peace, in New York or on a mountain top, is, as he puts it, an act of will. Will yourself this week to reflect, do some inventory, take a few minutes to take a deep breath. Visualize yourself separating from the worldly 'noise' and listen within.
2 comments:
Yay! I helped!
I was really interested to hear this discussion, and I wasn't dissapointed. I think you nailed it; there is no boilerplate definition of "peace". And nobody should be striving towards anybody else's definition.
I totally agree with you when you say that the important thing is that the important thing is to be conscious of it. A lot of the time, your peace will disappear on you and you won't even know it. It'll start manifesting its absence in the form of fights with loved ones, a continuous string of bad days that really get to you, and frustrations with the normal everyday duties of life. For instance, I know I'm getting too stressed out if I find myself frustrated with having to walk the dog in the morning before work...
Liz, you are amazing! I am so proud of you. Love you.
Post a Comment