Mobster Job Evaluations

Yesterday was judgement day!
No, I'm not typing from heaven.... not that judgment day.
The day when you have the ..... (imagine the the JAWS theme music playing).... work performance evaluations!!!

I entered the small office of my boss and friend. Yesterday she did not have her friend hat on, she was 100% boss. Her evaluations she held in her lap would determine if I received a raise and how much. I mean let's be honest, we're talking about dimes and nickels, not significant amounts of money. But, that didn't change the fact that my imagination was envisioning a scene from The Sopranos. The mobster (aka my boss) was smoking a cigar (sitting down a diet coke) and looking me over trying to decided if I needed to sleep with the fishes (get a quarter raise or not).

"How was your first year with us?" she asked
"Great." I said, willing her to skip the small talk and get down to the nitty gritty.

I was rated on three levels for each expectation: 1. Not met 2. Met 3. Exceeded.

My mobster's voice began her talk. She expressed very positive words and smiled frequently. She told me that I was doing an "awesome" job. She said that I was very knowledgeable about clinical issues and a joy to work with . She offered some constructive criticism, but overall sang my praises.

She opened the evaluations. I looked down the grid. The checks... they were in the middle. Almost all of them were checked under "Met".

WHAT???? My inner temper tantrum began as I remained poised in her presence.
"How dare her not to check me as exceeded in all of these categories!!"

Had the mobster leered me in with her smile and warm wishes only to throw me over the boat, leaving me to die, for a surprise twist ending?

Wow... I've been watching The Sopranos way too much.

In the end I challenged her some, but did not receive much change. The reality is that I could grow in a lot of areas. But, I still disagreed on her rating scale.

I was a little put out as I drove home.

"Why do you care about that?" A friend asked as I spilled my frustrations. "It's not like she said anything bad. Plus, you know you do an awesome job. Why not be content with that?"

She was right. Why am I so quick to have hurt feelings when others don't see me as "exceeding", going "above and beyond" or "top of the charts"? An A rating is not enough, I want an A+.

This negativity and frustration loudly speaks one warning to my soul: Don't be more concerned with matters of the ego. Be quick to erase praises that only stroke you as a person. Instead, focus your attention daily on whether or not you feel at peace with doing the best in the job God called you to do. Let the idea of being perfect in others' eyes sleep with fishes and start focusing your energy on pleasing the one true evaluator of our time here.

God is not unjust;

he will not forget your work

and the love you have shown him

as you have helped his people and

continue to help them.

We want each of you to show this same

diligence to the very end,

in order to make your hope sure.

We do not want you to become lazy,

but to imitate those who through

faith and patience inherit what has been

promised.

Hebrews 6: 10-12